by BOB GARON
I have worked with troubled youths for more than forty years. There are times when the stories of these young ones make me cry. They are so sad that the tears come to my eyes despite every effort to control myself.
When, however, I look deeply into their problems, I can see how childhood events molded them and were the root causes of the problems they encountered later on in life.
I remember a young man who, as a child, had been sexually abused by his mother for a number of years. He grew up to become a womanizer and a man without a purpose in life. Addicted to sex, he was caught in deep-seated habits that ruled his life. His life would have been very different if he had a mother who truly loved and respected him. But he didn’t and he paid the price for her abuse.
There are so many angry men and women who can trace their anger back to their upbringing. Blatant favoritism is a major cause of anger in childhood. Parents who openly favor one to the detriment of the other children create deep and lasting anger in the neglected ones.
Physical abuse is another reason why so many youths are angry and problematic. I do not mean a tap on the wrist, but severe beatings that happen often and are inflicted on the children with curses and demeaning verbal abuse. It should come as no surprise that many of these children grow up to abuse their own children.
But then, I meet other kids who are well balance and solid. Almost always I will find matured and kind parents who brought them up with lots of love and concern. Kids learn for better or for worse, by imitating their elders.
I am reminded of a poster I saw years ago that says it all.
If a child lives with criticism he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance, and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
Be aware of how you behave in the presence of your children, for they are watching you and learning from you. They will be your mirror.
- Abused as a child, Saints CB Marquis Johnson uses NFL platform to help other victims (wwltv.com)
- Three Ways To Screw Up Your Kid (happychildrenandfamilies.com)
- Vic church apology for child sex abuse (bigpondnews.com)
- Dullas says child abuse and raping women is normal (oneislandtwonationsblogspotcom.typepad.com)